Bastard Son of the great-grandchild of the sister's gibbon's friend of the nephew of the Campaign that Would Not Die, now in 3.75e Møøse Trained By: Hugh Foster

S04 Dragon in a Bag

Room 33, Practice Range. Note the 2 doors I completely forgot to include on the tracing!

The Sunless Citadel, Desolation, 18th September, 2156

33. Looking to his right, Borax could see that the passage he was in opened out into a larger room extending back parallel to the way he'd come. Directly in front of him were three rather poorly made humanoid target dummies stuffed with straw. There were a few crude goblin javelins stuck in them; rather more scattered on the floor or stuck in the wall. He dashed across the end of the room, behind the dummies, and then back again. A few javelins rattled against the wall but none came near him, though a yell of pain from the far end indicated someone in the back rank had been careless.

The northern third of the room was separated from the south by a crudely mortared and crenellated half-wall. A permanent camp of sorts had been set up north of the wall, complete with a fire ring and several small iron cook pots. Four goblin forms could be discerned in cover behind the wall.

Ruby and Borax waited, just around the corner, hoping to lure the goblins into advancing, but even goblins aren't quite that thick, and they stayed tucked away behind their fortification. Ruby dug in her pack and produced a flask of oil, set it up with a fuse, stepped smartly around the corner and flung it up the room. It sailed over the wall and exploded in the face of one of the goblin peltasts.

That unfortunate died screaming in the flames, and his neighbors were immediately occupied with beating out the small fires in their own clothing. Ruby sprinted down the room and bounded up on the wall, her sword scraping free of its' sheath.

Borax, who'd started running at the same time, reached the walland struck through the crenelations at an unfortunate goblin, ending its worries about being on fire. Meepo and Calvis popped out at the far end and slung missiles at the survivors, but the wall was there for good reason and the bolt and arrow went wide.

Borax vaulted over the wall, and Ruby slashed from her high ground, dropping into the space vacated by the twitching goblin corpse she'd made. The pair proceeded to mow down the remaining goblins as Meepo and Calvis moved up to behind the wall. This was complicated by four more goblins piling in through the north door from the corridor beyond. One dropped as Calvis shot from his cover behind the goblins' own wall. The fight moved on through that door and into the corridor beyond. The last goblin fled towards the door at the end, Borax hard on his heels, but veered suddenly and shuffled along close to one wall, clearly avoiding the floor directly in front of the door. Borax grinned; trapped then! As the goblin started scrabbling at the door, Borax' hammer stove in the back of his head and he dropped onto the trap, hinging it open and dropping him ten feet into the pit below. As he landed, a metallic glint was notiecable in the disturbed litter at the bottom.

Ring

35. After a little persuasion, Meepo was lowered into the pit. Rummaging, he came up with a very pretty gold-and-sapphire ring, which he very much fancied keeping and sulked a little when Ruby added it to the party loot bag instead.

Twig Blight

Spells were getting low, so the party retired to the practice range, pinned the doors out of it or erected tin-can-ninjas, and settled to rest.

During the night, Borax heard a sound, and saw four foot-high humanoid forms apparently made of sticks cross the range near the targets. He stayed quiet, and they didn't notice him. These, he surmised, were the Twig Blights Meepo had described.

The Sunless Citadel, Desolation, 19th September, 2156

38. In the morning, they opened the door leading west from the goblin end of the range, discovering a square room with a door on the far side. The north and south walls were stacked halfway to the ceiling with ill-made barrels, boxes, and crates. A clear path allowed easy access between the west and east doors. The containers were filled with goblin provisions, horrible-looking at best and probably borderline poisonous. No-one could work out what "elf pudding" was. At the back were some pouches of lamp oil, which they took for more firebomb goodness.

Erky Timbers

The south of the two doors out of the range was very well locked, and when finally smashed down gave access to the goblins' dungeon. Three kobolds, on release, fled back towards their clan's territory - despite Ruby's warning about five skeleton Kin being somewhere in between. The last prisoner was a dirty, half-starved gnome called Erky Timbers. Erky explained he'd been grabbed on the Old Road and dumped in here; but for his clerical spells he'd have died, because the goblins hadn't bothered feeding him much. He didn't much fancy his chances escaping alone, and asked to go along with the group. Kitting him out with javelins and a goblin club, the party fed him and took him on.

Calvis Crestfallen

Moving back up to the northernmost corridor, they investigated the door beyond the pit trap. Firmly locked, Calvis also observed that it was unpleasantly cold - unnaturally so. Glances were exchanged, along with the word "undead", and bludgeoning weapons carefully selected in preparation for more skeletons. Thus armed, Calvis set to with his lockpicks. After some time, he rather embarrassedly confessed that the lock was beyond him.

Shaking his head, Borax gave the door a hefty kick, shaking it in its frame but not breaking it. Urgent movement could be heard from the other side, sounding as if it was over an unstable surface. Ruby slammed a shoulder in; again, the door resisted.

A furious voice sounded from the far side, with a peculiar timbre neither recognized. "What's all bluddy noise? Stop basing at me door, y'bastads." Ruby replied, asking the voice to let them in, to which it replied in biting sarcasm that as the prisoner, it was their job to open their own door. Meepo was frowning, chasing a thought through his scraggy cranium without success. Giving up, he kicked the door himself, and if he hadn't been a total wimp would actually have broken it. As more abuse sounded beyond the door, Borax and Ruby synchronized and attacked it togther, and it burst open onto a rather different scene than they had expected.

The Trophy Room

37. Mounted and stuffed animal heads adorned the walls. The mounting job was sloppy, and the assortment of heads included cattle, rats, and other not particularly impressive specimens. However, a few more grisly trophies shared the wall with the animals, including a couple of kobold heads. Smashed and broken cabinets and small tables littered the periphery of the room, mute victims of some sort of rampage. A rusted iron spike stood askew in the center of the room, trailing a broken chain. Thin patches of ice coated large sections of the walls, floor, and debris. Perched atop one of the heaps of wreckage was - a dragon! The terror of this was mitigated by the scale of the thing, approximately two feet long snout to tail.

Calcryx the Wyrmling. For no apparent reason, when I spoke his first line, he became Yorkshire, and spent the rest of his appearance saying "Bastad" a lot in his best Sharpe.

"You're not bluddy goblins," objected the wyrmling in that strange accent. Meepo gave a glad cry "Calcryx! My dragon!" he squeaked. And the dragon hurled itself off its perch straight at Meepo with a furious snarl.

Borax stepped smartly into its' path and grabbed it as it hurtled up, locking a hand around its long neck. Its infant talons scrabbled on his armoured wrist to no avail, and it then gave a choked little cough as it tried to breathe ice on it and failed dismally. Its neck in Borax's grip became icy cold, and the dwarf hurled it away across the room. "That ... was rude," he snapped.

"We've come to rescue you," said Ruby. Calcryx snorted. "No thanks," he said, "they actually feed me regularly here, unlike that incompetent scrote behind you. Bugger off." Borax could read in his face that he a) didn't want to and b) seriously wanted to kill Meepo.

Calvis prepared his crossbow, as Ruby moved into the room and promptly skidded on the ice, falling on her arse. "We're here to loot your hoard," said Borax. "Don't kill him," cried Meepo, "capture him, and my people will be grateful!"

Predictably, the dragon attacked again, and once again Borax grabbed it. It was still struggling to reach him when Calvis cast again, and it abruptly reversed direction, nearly pulling Borax over as it tried to fly away under the influence of Cause Fear. Borax rolled his eyes; it was no more under control than it had been. Erky pitched in, invoking Garl Glittergold with a Command, and Calcryx went abruptly limp.

"We need to tie it up," said Borax. "I have manacles," announced Ruby brightly. There was a beat's pause as the two exchanged a glance and Borax decided not to ask. With a heavy manacle latched around its belly and thongs lashed around its snout, the feisty wyrmling was immobilized and easily stuffed into a heavy leather bag. Although it couldn't articulate clearly, it was very apparent that it was emitting some absolutely foul language.

Meepo levelled up here, and is now a Sorcerer. A crap sorcerer, as his stats don't allow him to cast higher than 1st level spells, but he's still happy about it - and his quadruple hit points

Meepo stood, gazing at the bag, the light of triumph in his red eyes. He almost seemed taller, somehow, and something inexplicable changed. Many people believed the practice of sorcery traced back to draconic traces in the bloodline; kobolds also believed they were descended from dragons. Whether any of this was true, who can tell, but in that moment, Meepo discovered the seeds of magic within himself, and realized that the power of sorcery was truly his. Borax eyed him. "Yer a wizard, Meepo," he quoted, mildly inaccurately.

Moving very slowly and carefully, Ruby and Borax searched the room, coming up with Calcryx' modest hoard from under a table. Included in it was an interesting-looking knife. Meepo used one of his new spells to Identify it, discovering it to be a Ranger's Survival Knife. He also checked Azun-Gund, discovering it to have necromantic powers to raise and control zombie servants, and made of the ancient Dwarvish transparent iron Nephelium. Legendary weapons had been made of such materials! Erky gazed at the whistle with revulsion, and seemed relieved when Borax tucked it away inside his shirt.

39. The door leading out of Calcryx' lair was also locked and the lock was frozen solid. Ruby smashed it open, and peered out into a long columned room, very similar to the one used by the Kobold Queen as her throne hall. Several torches mounted in crude wall sconces burned fitfully in this chamber, filling the air with a haze that blurred sight. A double row of marble columns carved with entwining dragons marched the length of the hall, and her keen eyes noted that several humanoids seemed to be hiding behind them.

"If you don't come out, we'll blow the room up!" she bellowed. There were startled goblin squeaks, punctuated by deeper voices and muffled blows as some other type of goblinoid reasserted control. Nobody moved. Borax counted down, and he and Ruby ran for the nearest columns, getting into cover before the goblins could react. From there, they could see the goblins hiding in various places - and two hobgoblins behind them, urging them forward with threats and abuse. They called back to the others with information, and Meepo darted out to a column, leaned out and unleashed his new Magic Missile at the nearest goblin, squeaking with joy as it blasted him over backwards dead. "It doesn't miss!" he chortled.

The Haze Room (entry from the top right)

Hobgoblin

From behind, Erky could be heard calling for Glittergold to bolster their spirits, and the magic of Bless settled on them all. Calvis glared at his back for a moment, clearly feeling his territory impinged upon, before flicking a coin up in the air and casting Shield of Faith on the Kobold. Ruby and Borax advanced, scattering goblin bits in their wake. The goblins piled forward, not looking too happy about it, as the hobs drove them on from behind. Erky flung javelins from the back, wounding a hobgoblin, and Calvis nailed a goblin to the wall. Meepo, thinking big, levelled his last Magic Missile at the nearest hobgoblin and stared in disbelief as it blasted a smoking hole between its' eyes, dropping it on the spot. Borax, reading the mood of the goblins, called out; "If you kill the hobgoblins, we'll let you go,"

Instantly they all spun and attacked the last hobgoblin, who was swarmed under by his erstwhile slaves. The one Borax had been fighting simply spun in place to throw a javelin at the hob, and Borax battered him down without a qualm. With the hobgoblin down, Borax and Ruby piled into the survivors from behind until the last one fled for the end door. Just as he placed his hand on the handle, Borax reached him and delivered a mortal blow. As the goblin sank down the last thing he heard was the dwarf's voice.

"I lied..."

Session Date: 9th Feb 2026